 |
| Grandma and Grandpa Miller - taken Feb 2009 |
When my sister married her husband, we were welcomed into a big family. Grandma and Grandpa Miller were her husbands grandparents. They were deeply in love with each other and it showed in the way they treated each other.
Grandpa Miller passed away three years ago. I went to the wake and the funeral. I felt very sad. He was a warm and gentle man who had a radiant smile. The pain of his passing hurt his wife, his children, his grandchildren and those whose lives he touched. Ours included.
The next week I was bringing my adult nephew home when I saw my sister at a stop sign. I stopped, rolled down my window and said, "Hey! Where you going?" She said Grandma has taken a turn for the worse and she was going to go sit with her. I asked if she wanted me to be there and she said yes.
I asked my nephew if she knew where Grandma was. He gave me the information. But when I circled the parking lot my sister's car was not there. Just then my sister called. My nephew didn't know she'd been moved to another facility I knew about but my sister said not to make the drive. She said something is telling her not to leave. She was understandably upset and crying.
I talked with her for a few minutes then she said she'd call me back. I began to drive home. When I was about five miles from home my cell phone rang again. I answered it and heard my sister crying. Grandma Miller had passed away and she was there to hold her hand and hear her final breaths.
I found a place to park. Tears were streaming down my cheeks for the pain of my sister and the loss of Grandma Miller. She asked me for some advice about what to because hospice was involved and I gave her what I thought the family would most like to know. She described the process of Grandma Miller dying and wondered if her stepson, Aaron, had gone through the same thing.
Aaron died from huffing in April 2010. I was asked to be on watch that day when Aaron's ventilator was turned off. I told her how Aaron died and it was not the same as Grandma Miller.
I knew Grandma Miller for 12 years. She was at every family function. There were times I would sit and talk to here. I always gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Her skin was so soft as were her eyes and her smile.
I'm sad she is gone. The day of her wake I was so mentally drained I could barely function. I know the family understands but still....
I wanted to say good-bye.
- Self Care: Pulling off the road to continue conversation with sister was the right decision even though I was almost home. Feeling the sadness about my sister being sad and my own sadness was very healthy. Being able to give my sister insight into Aaron's death was helpful to her. Not focusing on the sadness but on the warm memories of Grandma Miller helps the grieving process especially when the relationship isn't that close. Knowing my brother-in-law understood I may not be able to attend the wake gave me permission to stay home which I ended up doing. No false or exaggerated grieving.
