The flashbacks started years prior of other people who had done the same thing. Including my Dad, there are six, both men and women. I had memories of those sexual abuses and I accepted them much easier. But the ones with my Dad turned my world upside down.
I began having pseudo seizures, an emotional body response which sent me to the hospital more times than I can count. I would feel it coming on, lay down on my bed and my entire body would shake for several minutes. When the shaking wouldn't stop and I had difficulty communicating, I would go into a comatose state and stare at an object on the ceiling. I could hear what was going on around me but I couldn't respond. In my head I'd be screaming, "I can hear you!" but I was unable to change my body's response. Tears would fall from my eyes down the side of my face. The doctors and nurses would be so kind as we waited for it to subside. Medications were given to help that process. This lasted for a couple of years.
Because of the frequency, I was admitted and checked for epilepsy. The test was negative but the doctor was not convinced something else was going on. This is when I was brought to Rush University Medical Center in Chicago. A group of doctors, all having different specialties, diagnosed the seizures as emotional based. I was told to see a therapist, work on cognitive based therapy and attend a mental illness group for support. I was already doing all of those.
Even though I walked away disappointed and frustrated, at least I had an answer. I saw a psychiatrist who was able to help with the medication. I have had wonderful therapists since that time who have dug into my past and I faced it. I've been hospitalized several times and groups are a part of that environment.
The sad thing is that it doesn't change my financial status. I had to leave Bright Hope under not so ideal circumstances. I waited six months to be approved for social security disability, easily a third of what I was bringing home. Many friends and family helped me out the first year or so. Now I find I'm in a similar situation needing car repairs I can only fix with your help.
I have a budget but haven't been able to save because of my bills. I've trimmed back as much as I can. I don't go on shopping sprees or spend beyond my means. I don't bounce transactions in my checking account. I tithe a small amount each month.
I need help. Temporary help. Would you consider giving to my car repair fund? Anything would be a great help.
Amy's Car Repair Fund
I know God will take care of me - He always does. On that promise, I never waiver. The Bible says, "You do not have because you do not ask." I am asking Him to provide for my need however much or little He sees fit. I promise to use it only for the repairs and to make those repairs as the funds come in.
Thank you.
