I feel like I had a break through as I was praying and climbing into bed last night. The woman who broke my heart so many years ago has not received what my Dad, Mom and abusers have received in all my years of recovery.
That's my forgiveness.
I have allowed her hurtful behavior to negatively influence my emotions when it comes to rekindling old relationships or firing up new ones. I've been giving her the power to snuff out safe relationships or try to extinguish merciful ones. She's had too much control in this area of my life. It's time to let her go.
"Name, when our friendship first began, I was so thrilled that you would take interest in me. As we grew closer and you became my most trusted friend, I never thought our friendship would end. You held me when I cried for minutes at a time, we laughed at stuff we had in common and you trusted me with your kids when you went out. But one night, you asked to use my car and I could use yours. I knew what was happening. Soon after you asked me to breakfast and you dropped a bomb. The shrapnel ripped into my flesh above and below the surface. I was in shock. You acted like everything was okay but you never looked back to see the shattered spirit you created. Everything was not okay.
Since that day, I vowed to never let anyone get that close to me again. That lasted just over ten years. I still don't trust easily, especially when it comes to crying in front of someone, but that's not only because of you. The anger, rage, unfairness and selfishness of what you did cut deep. It's been effecting other relationships I want to be real in and I can't allow you to remain a part of me.
Even though I don't understand, God told me last night that I needed to forgive you just like I forgave my Dad and other abusers. Maybe I do understand. The best way to have closure with your abusive act is to forgive it. Well, that's what I'm going to do. I know it will be a process but I'm committed to do it. Quite frankly, you never deserved me as a friend - I was only 17 and impressionable. As an adult, I can say good-bye and welcome the healthy godly people He is bringing to me.
I forgive you and I pray you have a relationship with Jesus."
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6 Years This Week - Today is Day One for Aaron's Journey to Heaven:
A phone call from my mom around 7 pm. "Amy, you need to get to NIMC as quickly as possible. Something has happened to Aaron and we don't know if he's going to make it."
I have the gift of intercessory prayer. I went back to where he was. I was alone. I placed my right hand on his forehead and my left hand on his heart. I closed my eyes to see if he was there. Nothing. The ventilator was keeping him alive.
I walked out to talk to my sister. She looked at me and I shook my head no.
The week was just beginning.
For a better description of events, Click Here April 12, 2015
