About This Blog

My blog shares my recovery journey from childhood abuse to living with mental illness. I've been involved in twelve step groups and therapy since 1982. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in 1988. To the best of my ability, I have followed where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Maybe you'll find the hope and strength you need through what I write. Maybe you want to stop hurting yourself. Maybe you have a friend who needs help and can benefit from my story. I was newly disabled when I asked God this question: "What do you want me to do with my life?" I closed my eyes and paused for a few moments to still my mind. This is what I sensed from Him: "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering." And that's exactly what I am doing!

Tuesday, July 05, 2016

Feeling Sad and Feeling Mad

I feel so hurt that I can't let anyone near me.  Simply speaking to someone causes anger to well up.  It's really sadness, loss and betrayal mixed with lies, deceit and false love.  Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

Immaturity and putting on a false face of caring.
Not being integrated.
Pretending to be a friend while keeping score of my inadequacies.

I had no such game I was playing.

I'm not perfect, mind you, but I know what it feels like to be mistreated.
And yet I did not see or feel the signs.
Maybe I didn't want to.

This door will close a short chapter.
It will close painfully and permanently.
I lost two with this one.
The other by association.

No more.
No more pain.
No more sorrow.
No more new friendships.

I'll be lucky to keep the ones I have.

"Do not give up.  Get finished," God says,
"There's a lot more for you to do."

Hopefully it won't involve people.