About This Blog

My blog shares my recovery journey from childhood abuse to living with mental illness. I've been involved in twelve step groups and therapy since 1982. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in 1988. To the best of my ability, I have followed where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Maybe you'll find the hope and strength you need through what I write. Maybe you want to stop hurting yourself. Maybe you have a friend who needs help and can benefit from my story. I was newly disabled when I asked God this question: "What do you want me to do with my life?" I closed my eyes and paused for a few moments to still my mind. This is what I sensed from Him: "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering." And that's exactly what I am doing!

Wednesday, July 06, 2016

Where Do You Turn When

Where do you turn when:
  1. Your life feels upside down but isn't,
  2. Your feelings feel unidentifiable but are.
  3. Your work is taking up rent free space in your head so get some money.
  4. Your finances are stable but you worry about the future.
  5. Your relationships could end at any second but realistically the casualty rate will be low.
The first thing I always do is turn inward and turn to God.  When I am too introspective and get myself jammed up in the emotions/details, then I turn to movies.  When I'm bored watching movies I try to get it out on a blog but I'm very selective with what I share.  When I've talked to my therapist, checked in with my psychiatrist and completed all the above, then I turn to this:

My favorite TV show of all time, "The West Wing."

The writing and cast of this show is incredibly fast paced, highly intelligent, dry humor and educational.  It touches on real life issues for our country and does so with a Democratic President played by Martin Sheen.  It ran for 7 seasons and I enjoy it now on Netflix.

Today is one of those days where I felt like having a good cry but it was stuck.  I had to write a final email to a former friend and the loss hurts.  Not just emotionally but also psychologically.  I'll see her at church but we won't greet one another with a smile or a hug.  Or rather, she won't walk down to me and grab me for a hug.  She won't grab me as I'm going by for a hug.  I received a lot of prayer and  laughter and I gave what I had but, well, Satan won.  That is something to mourn.  My mom is right.  It's hard for people to be my friend.

And that's when I need help, when I'm on my own.  Some of the episodes of The West Wing are tear jerkers.  Some provoke anger.  Most leave me thinking about issues.  Any of them help me get to my feelings where I can easily get lost or leave behind.  But there are times, more often than not, when I'm able to identify AND feel my emotions when I watch it.  What a great blessing God has given.

Here's a clip from one of my favorite episodes, In Excelsis Deo from Season One.

Click on this link to be brought to You Tube for viewing