My mind is swimming in information. I started reading John Eldredge's book, "Fathered By God," which I didn't know is a book for men. I loved the subtitle, "Learning What Your Dad Could Never Teach You." As I'm reading it, I'm finding it applies to women, too. Especially ones who grew up with a Dad like mine.
My Dad grew up in a very dysfunctional home. He was the oldest of three boys. His Dad was a violent alcoholic. My Dad physically fought him in order to protect his mom and younger brothers. I'm sure there's a lot more to that story. I suspect he was sexually abused from someone outside of his home.
When my Dad started a family, he became the father of three girls. His oldest (me) was not the girly type. I was a tomboy. I was the one my Dad taught how to fix things around the house, mow the lawn, watch him do car repairs and start learning to drive when I was eight. He taught me how to fish, how to ice fish and how to eat hotdogs on a regular basis.
My Dad emulated his Dad. The dysfunction, the fighting, the sexual abuse and the yelling. At one time, when presented with the choice to make changes or lose his family, he chose to lose his family.
John talks about how our dad's are supposed to father us. We are very much in need - desperate need - of someone to show us the way. "We aren't meant to figure life out on our own."
I resonate with that last sentence. As far back as I can remember, I've had to figure life out on my own. Yes, I've been in 12 step groups for 32 years; yes, I've had many sponsors and known many people; and yes, I did receive counseling for 30 years. I think you can relate to this when I say, it was always me trying to make the best choices and many times, I failed. I failed forward.
I've gained boat loads of strength, wisdom and courage. It's my heart's desire to pass it along to anyone who wants it, needs it and/or is carefully navigating their way down the path God has set before them.
