About This Blog

My blog shares my recovery journey from childhood abuse to living with mental illness. I've been involved in twelve step groups and therapy since 1982. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in 1988. To the best of my ability, I have followed where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Maybe you'll find the hope and strength you need through what I write. Maybe you want to stop hurting yourself. Maybe you have a friend who needs help and can benefit from my story. I was newly disabled when I asked God this question: "What do you want me to do with my life?" I closed my eyes and paused for a few moments to still my mind. This is what I sensed from Him: "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering." And that's exactly what I am doing!

Friday, October 04, 2013

Challenges, Choices, Changes

This week has been filled with challenges, choices and changes.

My recovery means everything to me.  God has allowed these challenges to pass through His hands.  They float down to me and I have a choice.  Will I persist in my well-being by making the right choice or will I shut down, preventing good change to take place?

Fortunately, I'm in a season of persistence.  Actually, persistence is natural.  If I shut down it's because I'm afraid of something from my past.  I let it get a hold of me.  It's hard to let go.

My awesome therapist, Faith Gallup, has been my sole cheerleader for the last three weeks as I begin to:
  1. Challenge the thoughts and reasons I keep myself over 117 pounds overweight.
  2. Choose to bring those to our session so that I can begin letting go of them.
  3. Change what and how much I am eating so that I can feel better like I really want to.
I was sitting here thinking, "This is the only time I have felt encouraged, empowered and equipped to make this drastic addiction change."  I've tried to lose weight using the buddy system but I'm not the buddy type. I'm private, I like to follow a clear set rules and I like to fill in the food/mood journal Faith created.

I'm seeing the progression of making healthier food selections, gradually measuring my portions and completely eliminating junk food.  It's not the way I want to recover. 

I'd rather talk about the crap and not eat the crap so that I will no longer look and feel like crap.

Here's the bottom line:  I'M FED UP WITH BEING FAT!  So I'm doing something about it.