About This Blog

My blog shares my recovery journey from childhood abuse to living with mental illness. I've been involved in twelve step groups and therapy since 1982. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in 1988. To the best of my ability, I have followed where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Maybe you'll find the hope and strength you need through what I write. Maybe you want to stop hurting yourself. Maybe you have a friend who needs help and can benefit from my story. I was newly disabled when I asked God this question: "What do you want me to do with my life?" I closed my eyes and paused for a few moments to still my mind. This is what I sensed from Him: "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering." And that's exactly what I am doing!

Friday, October 11, 2013

Inside Depression

I've seen cartoons where depression is this blob that suctions itself to a person.  I've been carrying that blob for over three weeks.  My blob brings suicidal thoughts which are not at all helpful.

Found this:











Basically my friend Kim said this a couple days ago.  It's one of the signs that depression is taking a toll on my thoughts and mood.  Suicidal thoughts are fleeting and at times comforting.

But I'm not supposed to say stuff like that - ever.  It can get me admitted into a psych hospital.  For those who do not struggle with this side of depression, it helps to talk about it.  Otherwise it becomes a dark monster, like the depression blob.

I don't want to go outside.  I don't want to be in public.  I don't want to keep lying by saying, "I'm fine," and yet I don't want to talk about it either.  I wouldn't know what to say.

Just for today I will keep myself safe.
It's the best gift I can give.