It was all settled! My nieces and I picked the day I was going to take them to do their Christmas shopping for their family. I was giving each of them their own envelope of money. We were all set to go.
During the prior weekend I called and talked it over with their Dad. He had a terrific idea. Since I was going to give each of the girls clipboards to write down what they wanted to get for each family member, he suggested they write down what they saw at each store before they purchased anything. BRILLIANT! Then I would take them to lunch where they could collaborate what to go in on together, decide what they really wanted to purchase and once we were done with lunch we'd go back to those stores so they could make their final purchases. Again, BRILLIANT!
I called one of my nieces during the week and told her about Dad's idea. She loved it! She told me she's had too many times when she's bought someone a present only to find something she liked better at another store but couldn't get it because she'd already spent her money. We firmed up the day/time I'd be picking up she and her sisters and we were set to go! Everyone was very excited.
My sister (their Mom) posted a Facebook message the morning of the shopping. I read it before I left the house. I was surprised and a little worried about what she posted. On the way to her house she called. I was given the full explanation which helped but still didn't take away the worry. I knew I was powerless over their future. I needed to stay in the moment and enjoy my time with the girls.
When I walked into the house, the girls were ready but a little calm. We spent a few minutes getting organized and then we were off! It was a little quiet in the car so I decided to toss out what their Mom posted on FB and asked them how they felt about it. After some questions and reassuring their safety in telling me the truth, I found out what was worrying them. They told me in a few short sentences. I reached the bank, went inside to get their cash and when I came out the mood changed. One of them had tears running down her cheeks. I knew instinctively this was one of those moments.
As a very active aunt in the lives of these precious children, my heart's desire is to teach them how to honor and manage their feelings. This was a very fresh wound that triggered fear of past realities their family has had to go through repeatedly. I had a decision to make.
1. I could tell them to push aside those feelings for the next few hours so we could have some fun shopping, going for lunch, etc. which would teach them what? When you feel sad, stuff your feelings with spending and food and don't let those feelings ever surface. OR
2 I could give them positive words of encouragement for sharing their feelings, letting them know their other aunt and I are just as worried as they are. This will teach them that their feelings are important and they are not alone in how they feel.
Obviously, I did number two. I added that their other aunt and I are going to be praying for the situation because we understand how scary it is. This will teach them that they, too, can go to God with their fears and that they have aunts who believe God is going to help all of them.
After we talked, I asked them what they wanted to do. Two of them wanted to go home and the youngest one wanted to shop. I took the two older ones home and then took the youngest one out to shop. It all worked out the way it was supposed to. Their Mom got to hear from them why they didn't go shopping which was healthy, the youngest one and I got to spend some time alone.
I was so proud of myself for using mature coping skills and tools in what could have been a very emotionally driven mess. I was able to pass on a healthy baton to my nieces and sister who worked through their emotions and fears. I was able to witness my sister's surprise reaction to their fears. When my youngest niece and I came back, the older girls were in a much better mood. I told the girls not to worry about shopping - we can always go on a Sunday or after school.
In case you're wondering, their ages are 14, 12 and 9.
Staying in the moment and making decisions that were the best for the children is an act of love that is indescribable. Sometimes it's necessary to push but most of the time, I find it's necessary to STOP (Sit, Talk, Open up, Pray). Lord knows, God want us to do that with Him.
