About This Blog

My blog shares my recovery journey from childhood abuse to living with mental illness. I've been involved in twelve step groups and therapy since 1982. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in 1988. To the best of my ability, I have followed where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Maybe you'll find the hope and strength you need through what I write. Maybe you want to stop hurting yourself. Maybe you have a friend who needs help and can benefit from my story. I was newly disabled when I asked God this question: "What do you want me to do with my life?" I closed my eyes and paused for a few moments to still my mind. This is what I sensed from Him: "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering." And that's exactly what I am doing!

Saturday, April 26, 2014

McHenry Cty Track Meet

My niece is a freshman in high school.  She's on the track and field team.  She does a few running events and last year some field events.  Her coach is trying to stretch her by adding some distance to her running competitions.

She was nervous about it because of her asthma.  She takes her inhaler with her to practice and meets so she's well prepared in case she needs it.  What I love about her is her willingness to go along with her coach to become a better athlete even though her asthma might flare up.

I told her I would be at the meet yesterday.  I think I told her sometime last week.  I'd been feeling pretty low all day.  I wasn't sure I'd be able to make it but circumstances worked out in my favor.  Do you know that young lady, all of fourteen years old, was so excited to see me?

It wasn't because I had her bag of apples, or would buy her Subway or give her some $$ for the meet.  It was because I am her Aunt and she was super glad I was there.

When she was getting ready to eat after her event, she asked if I wanted to stay.  I was feeling anxious and nervous so I said, "Yeah, that would be great."  Sometimes you just have to plow through those feelings in order to enjoy the benefit of feeling loved by another person.  She really wanted me to stay.

What if I had turned her down?  I would have seen a very sad young lady.  Even if I had told her that my anxiety/panic was difficult, she would have understood but still, I would have had a sad young lady looking back at me.  I couldn't do that to her.

This is a disease.  It has enough control and I don't need to feed it anymore.  If I am feeling that way I can tell myself there's nothing here that's going to hurt me, nothing is going to threaten my safety.  Stay with your niece like she wants you to.  Enjoy her, enjoy her friends. crack some jokes and remember, she's only fourteen for a short time.  If she wants you to stay, stay.

And that's what I did.  I gave myself positive messages, positive self talk and stayed.  When it was time for me to go, that young lady was ready for me to go.  She gave me a hug and she told me she loved me.  See what I would have missed?  She's wanted some alone time with me and I was able to overcome those fears and give her some alone time.

It doesn't take much effort to plant a seed of love in the heart of a child.