No air conditioning makes my home a quieter place. I use two window units to keep my house cool. It's amazing how much cool air those little buggers can pump out. Of course I'm very chilled by evening so I turn them off for the night to conserve energy.
Aside from the usual musings floating around my head, I was struck by something that happened during my therapy session yesterday. My mood was very quiet, very introverted. It didn't cross my mind to cancel the appointment so when I got there I was feeling pretty calm.
Once I was in Faith's office, however, I became anxious to the point of crossing my leg and bouncing my foot. It felt as if my foot was going to fly off at any moment. I didn't bring any of my coping tools to help me settle down. It was odd to be feeling that way.
Luckily, Faith had some play-doh in her desk. That's one of my best tools for centering my mind and reducing the anxiety. She gave me a container and I talked about when I was hospitalized. I was given play-doh as were other self-injury patients. The psychologist, Dr. Erin Terada, used it as a coping tool so that we could channel our negative energy into something creative and positive.
I told Faith I'd made a camping site at the hospital. The play-doh color was orange - like a campfire. I made the fire, extra logs, sitting areas around the fire, a trash can and a bucket of water. It looked really cool. The other girls liked it a lot. I asked one of them to make a raccoon that was climbing into the pretend garbage can. I remember feeling tender - I'd brought my mind into a safe place. Even though my current residence was in lock down my spirit felt free!
What I wasn't prepared for was for Faith to move from her desk chair to a chair on the other side of a small table where I was sitting. Carol used to do something similar. She'd zoom across the floor to get something then scoot herself close to me or she would sit with me on the couch. I felt very safe.
Faith has never changed where she sits so this was new. I didn't feel alarmed. I didn't jump up or jump back. There was no threat for my safety. I felt tender.
I knew proper boundaries were in place. I knew she wasn't going to do anything that would trigger something sad. I didn't feel scared or distracted by her close proximity. Again, I felt tender.
It was a play-doh session.
It was a creative way for me to talk a little bit.
It was a safe way to calm down.
It gave me inner peace.
