I ate a protein breakfast at 9:30 a.m.. I was cleaning a little bit. When I stood up from the floor my entire body started shaking (like a seizure) and I couldn't stop it. I'd eaten just four hours earlier. Figuring it was a drop in sugar, I decided to up my protein level, I grabbed two Greek yogurts and made it back to the couch. By the time I finished the first one the shaking was diminishing. By the time the second one was done it was better but still not good enough. That's when I grabbed some peanut butter and a plain chocolate bar. Once that was done I was fully okay.
I haven't eaten anything since then and it's six hours later. I don't know what it was that caused my body to shake like that. My first guess is severe stress. That's how my seizures started in 2008. It did feel the same but this time I was conscious. This time I used my meal plan to problem solve. This time even though I felt scared and panicky, I was able to think through what I could try and if it didn't work I'd call 911.
The scariest part was when my vision began to darken. That's when I knew I was in trouble and had to get protein fast. Feeling my legs weaken to the point of almost collapsing pushed me into survival mode. I knew I didn't have time to cook anything in the oven nor did I have the stamina to cook anything on the stove top. I had to think fast - very fast.
Since then I've been relaxing. I haven't talked on the phone, I declined going out to hear a friend sing and I'm not calling anyone.
I do have something to report. My Mom and I were talking the other day. She asked about Kitten and I cried as I told her the story. When I told her about some health problems Kitten was having she told me that maybe Kitten went off to be by herself as animals have a tendency to do. She thinks Kitten went and found a peaceful place to curl up and leave this world.
That made me relax a little more. I believe all animals go to Heaven since God created them. And if they don't then God knows exactly where they are. Either way, I take comfort knowing He has them in His loving care.
So when a friend called tonight to talk about something else and I told her I wasn't having a good day, then she wanted to know about Kitten, I instantly started to cry and told her I can't talk about it. I am surprised at how quickly the sadness is coming out. It feels tender and it feels deep.
I thought I was taking care of myself.
I guess there's always more to learn.
