The Next Generation is my favorite Star Trek series.
After my back surgery I lived with friends who helped me get addicted to it.
When I was recovering, this show lifted my spirits.
Listen to the all familiar theme song.
It pumps me up every time.
The churning of sexual abuse memories inside of me is much like the frontier of the Star Ship Enterprise 1701-D. In fact, I wrote my own words for the theme song. Then I listened to the theme song as I read the below.
Sexual Abuse.
The Never Ending Frontier.
These are the voyages of courageous warriors.
Their continuing mission, to explore memories & pain,
To seek out new coping skills and new ways to express feelings,
To boldly go where their recovery must go.
I know the path I'm on is a very difficult one. With six abusers from age four to twenty-two it makes dealing with it that much harder. I have vivid memories for five of the six. My mom told me about the other one.
I knew trying to lose weight was going to bring this up. I thought I was prepared for it but I guess I'm never really prepared. I thought Carol and I (my therapist from 2006-2010) worked through a lot of it but apparently not as much as I thought.
I wonder if attending group therapy will help? Do I read a book? Journal on my blog? Talk about it?
Then there are the death anniversaries that skated by.
Cathy 2-9-08 (7 yrs) My sister'a best friend, the one person who understood me.
Dad 2-21-08 (7 yrs) Even though our relationship was ugly, he was still my dad
Shirley 7-??-08 (7 Yrs) She was like my second mom for twelve years
Maryla 11-??-08 (7 yrs) I helped my sister take care of her and talked to her about Jesus
Now I'm approaching the five year anniversary of my nephew Aaron's death. It's awful. My mom called yesterday. We were chit chatting when she asked a question. It was about how Aaron died. You see, Aaron was on life support for five days. I was at the hospital a lot, including when he took his last breath. I'll probably tell the entire story like I do this time of year in a week or two. My mom was crying and needed to know some things that I could answer. What I told her put her fears to rest. She's at peace knowing Aaron is at peace.
That's what I want for myself - peace.
Peace doesn't have fear wrapped around my body.
Fear from the past is wrapped around my body.
Peace has peace in the form of Christ protecting me.
Protection in the Armor of God found in Ephesians 6:10-20
I want to find out how to put that on daily-
Not eat to sustain being overweight.
