What I thought was hopeless, God saw as opportunity. I was convinced my home was never going to be safe, fun or peaceful. I was living in a repeated trauma zone. There was caution tape all around it. But the evil did not heed to that tape.
The first time I felt God's presence in my home was when I started Alateen at age 14. I was no longer fixed on the alcoholic. I was keeping my eyes fixed on recovery. I was working hard and it was paying off.
Looking back I can see God's presence in the most painful parts of my life. The cool thing is that I didn't invite God into those areas. I didn't know Him yet. He took it upon Himself to show up. Nobody ever did that in my life. He showed up with a purpose, just for me. He was starting the healing process. A process I continue to be relentlessly choosing.
God's presence, as far as I can tell in my own life, has never abandoned me. Sure, I've gotten angry at Him and ignored Him and even refused to listen for Him. The other cool thing is He understands how I feel, what I'm going through, how some parts of the healing process tear me up inside. He understands because He's always been there. Sometimes I think to myself, "That's just crazy." Yeah - that's what's mind blowing about a loving God.
Whether or not I'm struggling with trauma, mental illness, destructive thoughts or flashbacks, I know my God, my Abba Father, is with me. I can take His hand and allow Him to lead me down the next path of recovery. I can take His hand when I'm scared and need to be reminded that I'm not alone. I can take His hand and put His arm around my shoulders for comfort.
God's presence is always available. Sometimes I have to ask, "Am I willing to let down my guard so He can reside in all of me?" Today, the answer is YES.
