It's been about eleven years since I've worked for him. I was the one who ran his call center. I did a bulk of the internal staffing, training and database development. He taught me how to do the reporting and client relations. We were a good team.
We worked together for several years. Until my migraines caused me to stop working. I was deeply saddened. This was the best job, the best boss, the best co-workers and the best use of my skills and gifts I'd ever had.
Fast forward to last week.
Phil sent an email asking if we could meet so he could pick my brain about some call center concerns he was having at a new job. He was now VP of Sales and Marketing of a Christian company we'd done some work for way back when. I said, "Sure," and put up some boundaries so I'd feel safe.
I asked him to send some preliminary info so I could have a leg up before we met. He sent it on Friday. Over the weekend my head began to think about the three concerns. I was forming a response but wasn't obsessing about it.
Last night I started to feel very anxious and stressed out. I knew it was because of the meeting and feeling like I was back at work. I had to look at what I was able to do and what I wasn't able to do. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to say no if he wanted me to be a consultant.
It was then that I decided a few things:
1. It's okay to cancel the face to face meeting. I don't work for him. I won't be in trouble.
2. I can write out my ideas in an email and send it.
3. I'm the only one who can take care of myself. Saying "no" may not feel great at the time but it really is the best decision for my mental health.
And that's exactly what I did. He appreciated my feedback, liked how I was direct like I've always been and was disappointed we couldn't meet.
That's okay.
I'm not responsible for another person's feelings about what I do for my self-care.
I honored Phil and I honored God by giving my best to what was placed in front of me.
You know what?
That's all God wants us to do.
To do the best we can with what He's given us.
