Forgiving Animal Neglect

I've been dreaming a lot about our dogs, Susie and Dina.  I dream they are outside with dog houses and hooked up to long chains, which they were.  They have food and water bowls.  But the water bowls are usually empty, the food bowls not filled every day and sometimes their chains would get wrapped up together.

In the dream it's my mom's responsibility to feed them.  She's working full-time like she did in real life.  My dad never helped with their care.  It was our job to go get their bowls.  She'd prepare their food, we go out and give it to them and also fill up their water dishes.

In my dream, the dogs were well taken care of because in my dream, we had enough food for them.  I had all my cats which I fed and cleaned out their litter boxes.  I had all the supplies I needed.  When I opened their door, kitties and kittens would come into the house to be fed.  It was like a little sanctuary for them.  

In my dream, some of them lived outside or between the house and the crawl space.  Sometimes the dogs were brought into the house before a storm.  Everyone was in the house for most of the winter depending on the temperatures.  There was enough food and supplies to meet all of the animals needs.

In my dream, I remembered what it was like growing up.  My dad threw shoes our cats in anger.  He was such a jerk.  I seethed with rage when he did that.  I was too small to do anything to stop him.  When the dogs would go without dog food, I'd make a bowl of cereal and eggs.  Mom said that was good.  The dogs would be so happy to see us with a bowl they'd be jumping up and down.  Now I understand why.

As we got older, I made sure they had water during the day, sometimes two bowls.  I was more diligent about their feeding times, too.  

Having cats of my own for almost 30 years, I know how to take care of them.  My mom gave me that compliment.  She said, "Amy, you've always taken such good care of your animals."  

My mom has regrets about the animals she cared for.  We lived in such a dysfunctional environment I'm surprised any of us survived.  My dad had one dog he loved.  That was all he loved in our home.

Forgiving herself is something my Mom has had to do.  She won't talk about it.  That's okay.  Sometimes somethings are too hard to talk about.  She told me that God has given her a way of atonement by having her own dog sitting business.  The love and care she gives to all these animals is a way of making up for what she didn't know back then.