I remember times when I couldn't get my thoughts to quiet down. I'd be obsessing about a situation by rolling it around my head. I'd play all the parts of the people involved. It was mentally exhausting. I'm glad I don't it as much.
I'm trying to make a clean break from a friendship that died a few years ago. My birthday was on Saturday. Last year this person sent a text message through a phone I no longer have. I was hoping not to hear from her this year. I didn't. August is her birthday. This will be the first time since 1998 that I won't be acknowledging her birthday. It will be a little painful but it's time.
I'm making room for people who want me in their life. People who are not freaked out by the mental illness. People who don't judge me if I self-injure (I haven't cut since October 2012). Women from my childhood I can go have tea or coffee or watch play volleyball. Women I can chat up on Facebook. Women who light up and give me hugs and kisses. Women who want to hear my voice and see my face. These are the ones I want to be with in friendship. Even some of my cousins whom I love dearly.
Learning how to put aside the agoraphobia that prevents me from participating in activities that fill up my love quotient is important to learn. I did that Tuesday night when I went to see a dear friend play volleyball. Because it was a late game, I decided to nap so I'd be awake and able to enjoy her. She's always been competitive. I even let myself enjoy being there!!
Although I missed our other friend who wasn't able to join us, I knew I would see her soon. My volleyball friend and I were able to spend some time talking. I got to hear about her day and about her three boys. It was really neat to learn more about her. I imagine there's more than meets the eye.
God is teaching me there's no rush.
For either of them.
Love them like Jesus would.
Take time to listen and
Let our trust grow over time.
That's just what I'm going to do.
