For several months now I've been struggling to write the book God placed inside of me to write. It's all jammed up. I am a mess because of it. It's quite possible I heard a word from God today concerning what's going on.
I was looking at some books at a thrift store. Many months back I'd passed up a Beth Moore book which I regretted. Beth Moore, for those of you who don't know her, is a world known author and teacher of God's Word. She teaches Living Proof Ministry conferences in the U.S. and in her home church in Houston, Texas where she and her husband live. She is the mother of two grown daughters, one son-in-law and she's a grandmother. To give you an idea of her personality and style of teaching, please watch this. It's one of my favorite stories she tells:
The reason I shared this is because I found another one of her books today. Since it's only the second time I've found one in at least 6-12 months, I wondered if it was what I was supposed to read to get me out of this sludge. I started to have this conversation with myself:
- What Beth writes comes so easily to her. Maybe I'm not supposed to write.
- Clearly she had God behind her. I guess I do but I really don't think so.
- If Beth were writing the book a lot of women would get help because she wrote it.
- A lot of people respect Beth so maybe she should write it.
Then I heard, who I discerned, to be the Holy Spirit say:
- Amy, put away her book.
- I don't want Beth to write it. I want you to write it.
- I don't want Beth's story told. I want your story told.
- Look at the books again.
I found John Ortberg's book, "The me I want to be - becoming God's best version of you."
John was one of our most beloved ever teaching pastors at Willow for nine years.
That's the book I purchased.
I don't feel confident in much of anything.
I feel like a failure.
I want to disappear.
I'm not going to do anything.
That's reality for today.
