About This Blog

My blog shares my recovery journey from childhood abuse to living with mental illness. I've been involved in twelve step groups and therapy since 1982. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in 1988. To the best of my ability, I have followed where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Maybe you'll find the hope and strength you need through what I write. Maybe you want to stop hurting yourself. Maybe you have a friend who needs help and can benefit from my story. I was newly disabled when I asked God this question: "What do you want me to do with my life?" I closed my eyes and paused for a few moments to still my mind. This is what I sensed from Him: "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering." And that's exactly what I am doing!

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Paralysis of Analysis

In twelve groups, we are encouraged to work the steps (in order) with our sponsor.  I can't tell you how many times I've been through the steps.  Each sponsor I've chosen lived a strong recovery program.  I was very selective.  I watched them for awhile before I asked them to sponsor me.  I had huge trust issues.  I asked women who were moms, tender hearted, showed warmth to me through kind words and hugs and I enjoyed what they shared in our group.  I could see the steps of the program being lived out in the choices they were making and the relationship they had with their Higher Power. Each of them brought me through the steps and did so in a way that was signature to their own recovery.

Being an introvert (someone who's energy get refilled by being alone) and highly intellectual, I am one of those people who process almost everything inside my head. Problem solving, feelings, creativity and dissecting technical data.  My brain is my primary source of self worth.

When I transitioned from Alateen (age 14) into Al-Anon (age 17), I kept hearing this phrase:  Paralysis of Analysis.  I understood what each word meant so I thought the phrase meant, "Stop thinking," but I later learned it was taken to the extreme.

Paralysis of analysis is used to describe those of us who tend to go overboard when resolving our issues or defects of character.  It means getting so tied up in the "resolving" of problems that you actually end up "preventing" yourself from moving on AND creating more work than is actually necessary.

Over-thinking them can cause too much stress.  It can literally stop you from finishing the process of thinking the problem through, from beginning to end, by leaving you stuck somewhere in between.  I am one of many, when confronted with my shortcomings, who gets stuck.

I'm one of those people who have above average intentions of wanting to erase my defects of character or issue residue but I get overly analytical and then I get stuck.  I have to back up to the previous steps and start again.

My goal in life has changed.  It used to be to achieve perfection so that I would no longer get hurt or be hurt or hurt others.  It used to be to exist to please others so they would like me and not get mad at me.  It used to be to do for others so they would see how nice of a person I am and be my friend.

I have a new focus and it's not a goal.

I have a life plan.  "To write my story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering."

It's based on God's plan.  I don't need any one's approval.  I'm not obsessing about it.  I have some concerns but I have women I trust that I can turn to.

I'm not alone.

There's no need to be stopped in analyzing anything anymore.  Nothing is that important.  When I slow down and let God guide the process, everything works out so much better.

And who better than God to be my guide?