I was never shown how money worked until I was a freshman in high school. My teacher, who was also an angel God put in my life, taught us how to use checks, a checkbook, pay our bills and nail down our permanent signature. We had a project as part of our grade to use all of these new practices. I felt confident using them because my mind is wired up that way. I did very well and I was proud of myself.
For as long as I could remember, there were many times our phone was shut off, the gas was shut off or the electric was shut off. It was shut off for maybe a few days.
I grew up thinking that was normal. Paying your bills was not a priority. I'm not sure what was but I was being shown it wasn't taking care of your household first. And then it hit me.
My dad's drinking cost a lot of money. It didn't matter if he had a job or not. He drank the same amount, more or less. My mom's job had to pay for everything. He wasn't dependable. I hated him all the more for putting my mom in that position.
I had been earning money throughout Jr. High and High School. My mom gave me her car and I was responsible for the gas and upkeep. I remember taking good care of that car and all the cars I've had since. But there's one thing I wasn't taught to take care of - the most important asset I'll ever own.
My credit score. After my parents divorced and I graduated High School, I'd gotten myself into some debt. My mom sat me down and showed me how to use a budget. We figured out what happened. She helped me get caught up, wrote my name and the amount of money she loaned me in her little book (my sisters and I hated that little red book because we didn't like borrowing money from our mom) and wrote down how much every month I'd be paying her until it was paid in full.
It worked. I felt good paying it off and I knew how to budget. I've had difficult situations that have killed my credit score but I know I'm not at risk of losing my home, none of my utilities have ever been turned off, I haven't had tv for a couple of years, I can pay for my meds, doctors and therapy, I own my car and I can pay for the repairs, a friend is sharing her internet connection with me for a low price and I can take good care of my cats and myself.
The bills on my credit report are medical bills and maybe two or three credit cards before I went on disability six years ago. Each of them are due to drop off in the next three years. If God provides the money, of course I'll pay them off. If not, I've already notified them of my situation, which is the responsible thing to do.
The best thing I did years ago was go to my church's budget seminar. I don't agree 100% with everything they taught but I got what I needed and I'm closer to God in trusting Him to show me what to do.
I hope you are able to find some help if you need it. Don't worry about being embarrassed or anything like that. Satan wants you to feel that way so that you stay stuck. Make the appointment then just get in the car.
You can do it!
