My body is acting weird again. It's movement disorder and manifests itself akin to Parkinson's. The head movements and stretches, the fingers even while typing stop to stretch out and move about while my palms lay resting on the laptop. My leg crossed on top of the other, my foot shakes and moves around. Heaven help me if all of this happens at one time.
Haven't had it for awhile. Maybe a month or so. Could be stress related or who knows. Certainly not medication related as there have been no new adjustments. It makes typing it's own sport.
One of the goals I set for myself was to attend my women's AA meeting. I contemplated getting up early the next morning to see how my body felt. I've been wanting to go for a few weeks. Have had either goofy brain or something else physical. Sleeping has been a bit of a challenge, too.
As it turns out I was good to go. Since I have a bit of a drive I thought about whether or not to announce my five year sobriety anniversary during that segment of the meeting. I was doubting it because of one person who acted like the sobriety police the first time I attended that meeting two years ago. When our meeting split into mini meetings she came up to me and said, "I haven't seen you here before. What's your sobriety date?" Yeah, how about a punch right in the nose? Of course I didn't do that but I answered her question instead. I don't think she believed me and I didn't care. I was three years sober.
I figured she was going to be there this time, too. I haven't been there for about a year and a half so I decided to have a response ready just in case. When it was time to announce anniversaries greater than one year, I asked the lady next to me if that meant I should just speak up. She said yes and announced we had one over here. All eyes (50+ women) turned to me and when I said I'd been sober for five years in July, a hearty cheer filled the room!!
After the meeting split I wasn't surprised to see the "police" woman in the room I was in. I know her life does not revolve around my proof of sobriety but there was something gnawing in my spirit that needed to be said. Often times, I cause my own emotional anguish because I keep my mouth shut and don't say anything instead of saying what I need to say. So, when it came my turn to talk, here's part of what I said:
"As most of you know who may remember me, I haven't been here for over a year. I, too, was shocked with the suicide of Robin Williams mostly because I have a dual diagnosis (depression / alcoholic) and I'm an attempt survivor." I talked about some other stuff then said this:
"There are some in this room who might doubt that I have five years of sobriety simply because I haven't been to this meeting in awhile. And I just want you to know......it's no one else's business but me and God's."
Surprise!!!! Another eruption of applause and a five year token in my pocket.
Cha-ching. I've found my voice.
