Sometimes for one session, other times for months at a time.
It all depended on so many variables.
Most of the time it depended on my level of anger.
It could be toward the therapist, the topic, my inability to move forward.
Wherever the anger was coming from, it impaired my thinking.
Sometimes my feelings would get hurt and I'd shut down.
This is when I'd drop out for months.
I never told the therapist they'd said something that hurt me.
Not until I could pull myself together, put a lead case around my heart and be ready to physically challenge them if they did it again.
Fewer times it had to do with self-care.
Feeling ill, moodiness, weather. Things I didn't have control over but were affecting my desire to go to therapy.
I could be tired, headaches, or discerning I didn't have the patience or wherewith all to not over react to an innocent remark my therapist might say. I would be prone to walking out of a session when I knew ahead of time I should not have come in.
That's not fair to me or to them.
I haven't had to cancel an appointment very often in the last 16 months. I enjoy my sessions and for the most part I've been okay during them.
But tonight I needed to cancel my appointment for tomorrow.
My head is swirling about, my mood is flip-floppy and I'm still stressed out.
There are some things I have up in the air that need attending and they are weighing on my shoulders.
It's good, when canceling, to let your therapist know as soon as possible and why you are canceling. I told my therapist why (and why not) so she understood. Even as I was saying it I felt a little funny because it didn't sound like life or death. But I remembered how it feels to me (the stress) and that's what's important.
God has given us the tools to take care of ourselves and to respect others.
Without those tools, I would be in a world of trouble.
Since I am the only one who can implement these tools and advocate for myself, well, I lift my voice in the Spirit of the One who dwells within me and ask for His help.
