About This Blog

My blog shares my recovery journey from childhood abuse to living with mental illness. I've been involved in twelve step groups and therapy since 1982. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in 1988. To the best of my ability, I have followed where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Maybe you'll find the hope and strength you need through what I write. Maybe you want to stop hurting yourself. Maybe you have a friend who needs help and can benefit from my story. I was newly disabled when I asked God this question: "What do you want me to do with my life?" I closed my eyes and paused for a few moments to still my mind. This is what I sensed from Him: "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering." And that's exactly what I am doing!

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Truth or Freedom

I think many of us, including myself, live under the misconception that we have to choose between living in truth or living in freedom. Living in truth is very stringent while freedom has fewer rules to abide by.  It might seem to some that choosing one over the other is a no win situation.  In some instances, that's true.

A lot of years ago I found myself in a truth or freedom situation.  I was feeling conflicted so I confided in someone I served alongside.  I was kicked up to a staff person who, without my permission, brought my confidential situation to the Elders.  Their solution was to either live in the truth as they knew it or be set free from serving at the church but still able to attend services.

Live in the truth as they knew it or
Be set free from serving but still able to attend services.

Truth or Freedom.

I didn't feel the Elders had the right to give me an ultimatum because they never met me, never talked to me, didn't know about my situation first hand and were making decisions flying by the seat of their pants.

I looked the staff person in the eyes with tears falling from my eyes and said, "You had no right to go to the Elders and tell them my situation.  You can tell them they do not have the right to force me into something just because they don't understand it.  I will not serve in this church because none of you has the authority to tell me when to do it.  As of right now, I no longer attend this church.  I hope you are happy with yourself. She was stunned.

I stood up and walked out the door.

Here's the thing.  When you're involved in a pattern of sin, it's between you and God.  The only reason I told anyone was because  I'd been in 12 step groups and keeping secrets lead to bad behavior.  I didn't want that to happen in my relationship with Jesus.

What did I end up doing?  I walked out of the church that night and stayed away for ten months.  I never went for holidays or anything.  The staff person would contact me from time to time, mail me stuff, trying to shine the light so I'd change but she didn't get it.  I had to have some experiences with other people and some God ordained experiences before I was able to walk away from something that was hurting me.

In June of 1994, I came back to my church.  I returned to where I was serving.  I got looks from people who questioned my return. Some of them I answered, some it wasn't their business.

That fall, God brought me to a singles retreat who's verse was Jn 8:32 "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free."  I laughed out loud and gave God a thumbs up.

Since June 17-24, 1994 I have known the truth and with that truth came the freedom I'd been searching for.