The gravel path is just over a mile long. Since I've been at one with the couch I decided to shorten the walking distance to my spot. My spot is a little sliver of earth that extends into the marina. It has a picnic table, some small trees, boulders along the water front and a little bit of wildlife.
I'm attracted to the tall grasses, jumping fish, little turtles and boats that cruise by. This was my first day this year to the spot. I was deep in thought - a little too deep if you ask me. I needed to lighten up.
I started by reminding myself that Jesus is already here with me. I don't need to invite Him in. He's always with me everywhere I go. Inviting Him in is like telling my heart to start beating. It's already doing what it's created to do. Accepting Jesus into my life means He's with me everywhere I go.
I started to declutter my mind. I felt it was clogged with too many thoughts, all trying to race out at the same time. It's like they needed to pull a number from that number machine at the deli and wait their turn.
As I was walking, I was looking down at the dirt, mud and grass. I saw some things that reminded me I was outside. Then I looked up and saw the buds on the trees. That reminded me I'll be needing my allergy medicine pretty soon.
When I walked toward the little pond, I felt a little song welling up inside. It was starting to take shape the longer I spent thinking about it. It went something like this:
Jesus be my guide,
Hold me closer to your side,
Remove my selfish pride,
Jesus by my guide.
Solitude with God sometimes scares me. I'm not afraid of Him. I'm afraid of how vulnerable I feel when I'm with Him. Even now I shed tears because of how much I want to go home, to Heaven.
I'm not suicidal, so don't even go there.
I just miss my Daddy, my Abba, my Father.
I don't want to be in this cold harsh world anymore.
