One of many positive character qualities my therapist has is a good heart. If something she says doesn't come out quite the way she meant it, all I have to do is ask and she's quick to clear it up. But is this something that needs to be cleared up?
Or is it my filter system that's causing a bit of an angry rub by that question?
What did I hear?
1. I was doing something wrong by not being happy.
2. I wasn't getting to "happy" quick enough.
3. If I'd be happy my problems would lessen.
Hm. Sounds like I have a problem.
Let's take a closer look.
What if when my therapist asked, "When are you going to be happy again?", instead of reacting to old negative voices, I remember her good character qualities and hear, "I'm concerned your depression is lasting so long. Do you have times outside of our sessions when you are happy?"
Hear the difference? So do I. I'm still training myself how to stop and listen to what is being said, who is saying it, ask questions then respond. Today was an off day so I didn't catch myself and let's admit it, none of us is perfect.
I have so many days when I bring the funny. I have funny things that happen at home with the cats, a skunk, my family and my friends. I know funny.
The other truth is that I just came out of a grieving time for the six year anniversary of my friend Cathy and my Dad's death. Then in two weeks it's the four year anniversary of my nephew Aaron's death.
Are some things funny? Of course they are. Do I feel happy? Of course I don't.
But I can tell you this. God gives me comic relief to get through the grief. When I grieve I feel a heavy boulder on my shoulders. And when I laugh that boulder goes away for a little while.
It's all about balance.
It's always all about balance.
