Parkinson's * Depression * Isolation * Borderline Personality Disorder
Yeah, that's what's been going on for me this past week. I'm not joking around, either. I've had the MRI that eliminates Parkinson's. It's just that my body and brain mimic those behaviors. My speech impediment, the shaking, walking off balance and difficulty writing are all there at once.
The Depression is no stranger. Neither is the Isolation. Borderline Personality Disorder is triggering a lot of anger so all of them are stronger somehow. I've been to therapy and tried explaining it. l know my therapist wants to understand. It's one of those combinations that makes it hard to explain unless the person has seen a lot of it in others or has had it themselves.
That brings it to my psychiatrist. I see him later today. I'm sure he'll have some ideas. He might order some new scans since it's been about three years. Doesn't matter to me. None of this really matters to me.
I get so tired of the insanity of it all. It's like I numb out to the strangeness and peculiarity. It becomes another thing that's wrong, another medication that needs to be changed, another time of restrictions and another time of keeping notes to see if I feel improvement or not.
Every two years I go through this. Not just for Major Depressive Disorder but for any of the mental illness stuff that's medicated. I guess it's the way my neurotransmitters function. I certainly have no control over them unless I don't take my medication. And I take it twice daily so that's not the problem.
So we'll see what the doc says tomorrow.
Lord, please give him fresh ideas about how to treat these symptoms. Help me to stay open and not shut down or become resistant. Help our meeting to be lead by you and Your Holy Spirit.
